In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
