Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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