I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
