I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
