girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
