he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
