hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
