I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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