1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
