I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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