its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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