my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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