I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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