she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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