i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
