Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
