I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
