As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
