So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
