I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
