sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
