how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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