Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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