Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I know her cup size but not her name....
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
