I'm so fucking centered right now
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
