I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize