you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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