If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
