my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
