I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize