if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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