Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
