I think my fart just growled at me.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
