Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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