This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
