she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
