I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
