my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
