I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
