I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
