I think scott just propositioned me for sex
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
