Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
