Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We need a shit load of segways right now
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
