The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We left the knife in your bed.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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