i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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