My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize