if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
