Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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