you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
