I think I am morally bankrupt
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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