I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
