Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
