Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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