Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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