i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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