I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
