She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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