You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
