had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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