the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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