You don't have asthma, your pregnant
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You're like the curious george of whores
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
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