Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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