theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
