Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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