I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
