gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
