On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I can't put those talents on a resume
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize