I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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