she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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