Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
