So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
