you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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