I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
