just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
