I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize