wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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