Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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