Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You smell like stripper and shame
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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