dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
