Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It was confusing and full of hummus
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
