i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm at about main and main street
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize