She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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