They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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