How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
