i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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