Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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