ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
