If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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