Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize