By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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