The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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