He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
