Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
