fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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