Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
