You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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