I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
