im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
